Friday, August 23, 2013

A few OTHER laws of nature...

Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are a few of the real laws of nature:
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands are fully coated with grease, your nose itches and you need to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of what you are currently doing.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier calls for help.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the phone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater.- At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who leave their seats several times for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. (I can say this because I’m an ‘aisle seat’ kinda person.)

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your spouse will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about

16. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Law of Commercial Marketing -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

A friend emailed these "laws" to me. Got any you'd like to add? ;-)